Return of the Bibliophile!

I’ve always loved books, always. When I read it’s like a movie playing in my head and I get sucked in hard. My Big Kid also has this love of books and I think the Little may be getting there, hopefully. The library is a second home practically and my shelves are overflowing with thousands of pages that I have yet to get my oh so hungry eyes on.

Thing is, since I became a Mom I haven’t had, or really, haven’t figured out how to make, the time to love on my books the way I used to. After a day of breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning constantly, meal planning, solving everyone’s problems, saying no for the umpteenth time to more video games, paying bills, etc. and so on as I’m sure many of you know the drill, my brain rejects sitting down and sinking into a good book. I can’t explain it. Pre-kids, after a long day at various jobs reading was how I relaxed. And this makes me sad, sad kitty sad, and we all know that nobody wants to see a kitty with the sad.

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So what I’ve decided to do is give myself a book reading challenge, where I pick one of the many books I’ve been wanting to get at and just dive in. My goal is to read at the very least one chapter a day. I’m going to have to figure out how to work this into what generally ends up being a pretty hectic day here already but I need to do this for myself.

Then of course there’s the other dilemma I have, fiction or non-fiction. I mean, how in Jiminy Crihmas am I supposed to decide between two equally inviting subjects?! I’ve got this novel that I checked out from the library the other day, “Nightside the Long Sun“, and I can’t wait to start it. But I’ve been wanting to learn astrology forever and my “Astrology for Yourself” is crying out for me. What to do, what to do…

What are you doing for yourselves lately? How are you challenging yourselves as you move through these days, to remember who you are and who you want to be? In addition, feel free to join me in my reading challenge! What do you like to read? What book(s) have you been dying to get at? Let me know in the comments!

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Yay, Excruciating Back Pain!

Except yeah, not so much, good gawd. Today has been, we’ll say, a bit of a challenge since I will refrain from letting a plethora of expletives go bombastic across this screen. Horrible back pain will bring out your Cussing Goddess in a New York minute, true story. The pain has been getting worse as the days creep closer to when one of my eggs beats out all the others in a race that nooooooobody’s gonna win daminit! Nuh-uh, not happening (dang I need some emoji’s for blog posts, frfr, heh.)

When my hormones decide to randomly go insane this is the most physically limiting thing that happens. I can barely bend over when standing or even lower my head when I’m sitting. Showers take forever and climbing the stairs? For the love of humanity, omfg.

So I’m going to sit here a spell and write. Then I won’t feel like my day has been a complete waste. There’s dishes to be done, food to be made, a kitchen to clean, books I need to be reading, surveys I need to write up, and so many other things that I have nicely organized in my planner, just waiting for me to get to gettin’. It’s just not happening today.

It’s difficult to be productive when you’re in constant pain, whether that be physically, emotionally, mentally, or some jacked up special kind of hell that is a tag team dream for all three. What I’m going to do is make a list of the things I have done today though, an idea I got out of The Twitterverse from Edyss@staywoketarot tweeting the link from Esmé Weijun Wang@esmewang which can be found here at Esmé’s blog.

This post resonated with me so much because even though I practice daily gratitude, yes, sometimes I feel guilty for not being constantly grateful when I’m going through. And guilt, ain’t nobody got time for that. So instead, I’m going to choose to think about all I did get accomplished today and that, as the mysterious “They” say, is that.

What I Did Today

  • I fed the kitty and he was super happy about the vittles.
  • I went on my run, which made my back feel better while I was doing it.
  • I let the kids play more of the game they love so much which made them happy as well as allowed me time to clear space in my head
  • I uploaded what was left of my pictures (after quite a few of them, including videos, got eaten this morning) from my phone to Google Photos off of my sd card. Lesson learned there.
  • I got my files uploaded to Google Drive.
  • I ate at least once; and since I regularly forget to eat, this is a very, very good thing.
  • I took a shower, which seems like it should be easy, but trying to move right now is a muther.

And that’s just for starters! Hell, it’s only 8 minutes ’til 4pm, surely I can get those shoes ordered for the husband! Either way, I’m going to continue to be easy with myself just because sometimes, like now, I don’t have a choice.

Drowning Out the Noise

I’ve sent my kids outside and for a few sweet moments I’ll be able to hear myself, I’ll be able to somewhat remember what I wanted to write about for my first blog post. I’ve gone back and forth, hemming and hawing and debating; typing and deleting and getting caught up in a plethora of distractions (kids, cleaning, finances, research, etc.) and what I’m finding is that just pulling the trigger is the most difficult part of anything, especially when it comes to putting your thoughts and feelings, your ideas out into the world.

I’m  very aware of the clock and can feel the anxiety rising as I attempt to quickly figure out how to best make use of the precious 15 or so minutes I’ll get before my children come tearing through the house like one of those balls of dust and punching sounds like in the cartoons I used to watch as a kid and our kitty escapes in the midst of it all, heh.

I’m thinking about all I want to do today and the overwhelm tries to take me down. The mountain of tasks that I need to tackle, I can hear them laughing hysterically as I remember yet another thing that I really need to get taken care of ASAP. Deep breath, never you mind the weary raggedness of said breath, and I write down whatever it is I need to do and focus on one thing at a time; a million different thoughts go kaleidoscope through my mind. And wth did I do with my planner anyway?! Right, getting into the routine of bringing it with me when I come downstairs in the morning. Very good then!

As I mentioned in my About, I don’t know just where this blog is going to take me yet, but I’m excited about the ride. I’ll write about how I Tarot, my life as Mom-The All Seeing Eye, the various rabbit holes I like to explore as I continue to unlock me, running, recipes, tips and tricks for keeping sane when it seems insanity is the rule, and whatever else I’m working with in my life right now. How that’s going to look, well, I guess we’ll see then won’t we?